I've done it again.
A month after stupidly leaving my iPod in an Alamo rental car (from which it was subsequently stolen), I've managed to kill my digital camera.
I went swimming at a place called Savage Mill and saw a lovely yellow poplar leaf in the water and thought I would take some pictures. I put the camera in the breast pocket of my shirt, thinking if I left it in my pocket of my shorts, it would get wet. I can remember thinking: "if you're not mindful, that camera is going to go 'plunk' in the water."
I was mindful for a while, but then I forgot. I was multi-tasking, taking pictures but also picking out beer cans from the water, and after the third beer can or so...my camera went 'plunk' in the water.
It was only in there for a second, and I dried it off immediately, but it was enough to kill it.
It gave me much food for distress--and then thought. After deep psychological introspection, I'd decided that my recklessness with machines is largely due to my ambivalence towards technology.
For much of my life, attempting to live in Gandhian simplicity, I was antagonistic towards technology. Then, in an activist job, I started using the computer for more than word-processing. I started doing desk-top publishing, and then moved on to web design. I really liked it, and still do.
Then when I went to the U. of Maryland for the MFA program, after a year of teaching, I got my present Graduate Assistantship job doing web and graphic design (and editing) at Romantic Circles. And I'm poised to do very similar things once I finish my doctorate.
But then all along I've had "issues" with technology, not wanting to turn into a cyborg, and not wanting my life and environment dominated by machines. Which has translated into behavior that is reckless towards machines; that is, I lose, or break, machines, out of my ambivalence and frustration.
It's gotten better. I don't have machine-rage anymore, punching out printers when they don't work, or smashing lap-tops when they don't process fast enough (both, unfortunately, true stories for me). But my reckless behavior has continued in other ways.
Technology can, and is often, used for destructive purposes, but it also--especially in the realm of communications--is very constructive. We can see that in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. People are searching for, and finding, information and ways to help through blogs and the internet.
I have now decided: it's all right for me to play with tools in a mindful way. (It's also all right for me to save money from not having to replace my tools that I break or lose!)
Humans have developed large brains through the use of tools and technology. Using tools makes us human, not cyborgs. So it's OK for me to use technology--as long as I also know when to step away from the machines to pick up my dulcimer, my drum, or my spindle (which some might argue are just other forms of technology).
Now if I could get over my ambivalence about buying new shiney things (when I have the money to afford them, that is)!
Posted by jeb at September 7, 2005 5:59 PM | TrackBack